Should your children celebrate Halloween?

There are so many mothers who truly love their children. They want them to be happy, to feel good about themselves, to fit in and have them part of the larger society in a positive way. Now I don’t care if you are Muslim, Christian, Buddhist or any other practicing person. I have had this conversation with so many mothers. It’s not just a religious thing. It’s about how we want to ultimately raise our children. It’s about us conveying to our children what our core beliefs are as a family and then us being true to those core beliefs. It’s about making sure that we properly guide our children and follow through with our actions and decisions as parents in ways that are healthy for them psychologically and spiritually. Halloween. Is it a harmless holiday or is it something your kids should participate in? I’m going to leave that decision ultimately up to you. What I will do is share what my own research as an educator who has dealt with countless  former students of various backgrounds and their parents, and as a mother with twenty years of experience in dealing with it with my own children has shown. The questions I share below have helped me in reviewing my own beliefs and  solidify my own decision on  what is  best for my family.

Should my your children celebrate Halloween or does it send a conflicting message for them?

When deciding how to address Halloween with your children, consider the following points:

1. Ask yourself, “Does this celebration and its elements fall in line with our personal beliefs and morals as a family?”

Again, this can apply to any mom with any religious background, not just Muslim. In the classroom, I had many mothers who were Catholic and Buddhist who pulled me to the side as their teacher and asked me to not have their children particate in any Halloween festivities. They explained that it wasn’t something that went with their family beliefs due to it’s origin or association with the underworld. I totally understood and respected their wishes.

Consider:

* Do we believe in the religious significance of Halloween (and there is religion involved that may not be our own) or is it contrary to what we believe? * Is the message of scaring or harming others for our own amusement something we want our children to participate in and unconsciously believe is ok (considering the content of many Halloween movies and scary activities)? * Do we want our children to fear other things as if they have more power than God (Allah) himself?

2. Do I know the origins and history of the celebration?

Are we as a family blindly following a celebration without knowing anything about its symbolism and significance? Have I taken the time to be a responsibile parent and find out? We are all busy but taking this step is critical. We can’t just do things without knowing why and worse yet we can‘t just have our children just do anything. Makes sense? Here is one of many basic sources of info on the topic: Halloween

3. Is my children  “fitting in” more important than having them follow what our core beliefs are?

There comes a point where what we have to consider what we are willing to compromise and if that means not being true to who we really are. The most influential people in history, be it religious, physolosophical or inventive, were different. They most definitely didn’t fit the status quote and did not fit in. Many influential figures such as Mohammed and Jesus PBUT, Buddha, Ghanaian, Socrates, Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs, just to name a few, were mocked and made fun of for not following society. Some even were jailed or tortured. They dared to be different and stood up for what they believed despite enormous societal pressures. Islamically, as Rahsool SAWS said, “Islam came as something strange and will return as something strange, so give glad tidings to the strangers.” We are never meant to fit in, but to instead be defined and set a high moral precedent. Are we doing that? Are we teaching our kids to be extroardinary or to just follow everyone else? What about our core beliefs?

4. Is it more important to give my children what they “want” or what they “need”?

Children will always naturally follow after feel good activities and desires, as it is natural in their sensitive developmental stages of learning. Our job is to guide them through their emotions and lead them away from impulses and  instead to a more reflective and meaningful lifestyle. Yes, they will complain and not get it all now, but it’s like anything else. We know what they need and must trust our own intuition as mothers. After all, if we leave them to their own desires, most kids would eat ice cream and candy as if it’s a food group, never bathe properly and stay up until 2 in the morning watching YouTube videos or playing video games. I think we all want better for them than that. Sometimes that means making hard decisions that they may not understand just yet, and that’s ok.

How to involve others if you decide not to celebrate 

Spouse

Have a heart to heart with your spouse about your feelings. It’s important that you are on the same page for the children. Try to see if it can be a collective decision that you both can agree is best for the children and make it a decision for years to come. If not, it just confuses the children. Family I know family can be hard. I have always sung a different tune and got a lot of backlash for it. But you know what I’m really happy I listened to my intuition and I’m proud of how my children have turned out. Do what you feel is right for your children, and come to terms with others not always seeing eye to eye with you on it. Do what you believe is right regardless of the guilt trips of others. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion , but it is just that, their opinion. Have your own, it’s your right as well. Be patient with the family members who won’t understand. Pray for them and be kind even if they are not. Teacher Tell your child’s teacher that you don’t wish for your child to participate in any celebratory experiences. It’s 2018 and this is multicultural America. Not only should they understand but they are legally obligated to. So no worries for feeling like you are troubling them. That’s the beauty of this country. We are free to practice and raise our children as we see fit as parents. Alhamdullilah. I would advise to keep your child home if there is a party. If there are other mothers or friends of yours that want to make the same decision then do it together. Maybe one of them can take the reward of being with the children that day if they are a stay at home mother or maybe your parents and you can assist in another creative way. If that isn’t possible then maybe children’s grand parents can help. If there is a will there is a way. I know first hand for myself. I’ve figured it out.

My Story

After addressing all of the questions above and deciding not to celebrate I have decided that I choose to live in a way that I feel is best for my family. I have had to come up with creative ways to make the kids happy. I thought outside of the box a bit on the matter, and was ok that they or my family didn’t understand every reason why. I told my children the history of Halloween. I made them understand why we don’t celebrate it and how it isn’t aligned with our family values. I told them I love them and want them to be happy and for Allah to be happy with them and that there are so many other things that are better for us as a family that we can do. Then I gave them options that were healthy and  worked more with our core values. In the end, we all  decided to focus on the season changing and go apple picking and pumpkin picking. We make all sorts of yummy treats together and have made the season more about time to spend together and less about anything else. They now look forward to it every year and hardly care about Halloween. If you take something away, replace it with something better. It will teach them that there are many halal options for them that are possible. They will then seek them in other situations, insh’Allah. If you found this article helpful share it with a sister who could benefti!